Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
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i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
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thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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