I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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