Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
