im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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