I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
