I puked a lego.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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