Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
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Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED