I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...