Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos