walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is