Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
