Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
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was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
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