i wish my penis had a tongue
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
i out mim tonsoeep
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
