Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
