i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
