i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
