U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
