I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
