So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
