so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
