her vagine was all disorganized.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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