Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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