why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize