you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
