Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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