the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
