I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
