I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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