Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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