ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
