If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
