That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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