I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
