I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
This toilet bowl is my home.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
