If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
