so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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