Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
