But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
