his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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