I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
