just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
