While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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