found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
