dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
