dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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