Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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