So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
