Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
