Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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