Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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