We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
