Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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