i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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