what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
