Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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