But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
