Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
