I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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