weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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