I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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