I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
