ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
