Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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