i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
