i don't like sucking hair
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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