no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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