I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
