she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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