Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
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They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
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It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.