I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
