I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila