no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.