Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
she peed on how many people?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.