The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
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Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.