I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
