There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
