Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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