i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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