Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
