I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
