the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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