One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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