You're completely useless in the revolution.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
My vagina is very pro this idea
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
