dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
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Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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