am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
