His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
