I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
