My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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