Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
