I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
