The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
