Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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