Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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