Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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