the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
