Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
