You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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