There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
