Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
